as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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