I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
