we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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