I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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