Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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