I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There r osticjed everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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