I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
