We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
