I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
