It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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