What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
