we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
