Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
