One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
