I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
