Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize