I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I understand Curling. That high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
