youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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