so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
only if we run a train.
done.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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