My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
