her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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