If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She told me I should be a condom model.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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