cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
