I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
