I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I could make wine with my vomit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
