doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
