In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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