We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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