Got a toothbrush?
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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