8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
