How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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