Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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