she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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