I can text with my tongue
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
two words: eviction party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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