you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
