he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
