Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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