The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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