You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
