Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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