I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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