So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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