never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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