another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
