is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
