Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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