i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
