you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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