I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
