I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What a dumb baby whore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
