I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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