Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
