Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
