broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she peed on how many people?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
