do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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