I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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