We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
