she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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