dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
