Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
