I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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