i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
