Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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