It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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