A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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