They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
