Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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