Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
