i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
