Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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