You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize