i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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