I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
