I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
