just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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