I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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