the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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