id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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